hearts desire

discovery!
self-love, disguised as risk.
grace; your human, learn to live.
capture, surf, and feel inclined,
to whisper courage towards the pines.
waves crash in, crash out,
deep blue to violet.
adventure made haste with
borrowed time from space.
move swiftly sweet serenade,
as the wind picks up your soul,
learn the tongue of kindness,
grace; your human, learn to live.

GENERATION-Y, I'M SPEAKING TO YOU!

Generation-Y

What I have come to learn these last six weeks is that self love trumps everything.
After much reflection and therapy, I have come to understand that at the end of the day, we are all the same thing: human. We all FEEL! I have come to develop such an innate sense of compassion for all beings lately. I never really realized how sensitive the brain is. What we all place in our individual pandora boxes, to keep secure and hidden from the rest of the world.  We find it so easy to judge other people; other human beings. We scrutinize, humiliate and taunt each other for personal gain and satisfaction. When did we lose our sense of grace, patience and humility?
What I am trying to say is, why has it become so taboo to openly be comfortable in your own skin. To be okay with being YOU! There is no one quite like you! How can you expect other people to accept you, if you are not willing to accept yourself?
I think of it this way: If I have the capacity to change in an hour, week, month, year, who am I to say you don't have the same ability?


You could die tomorrow. Do you want to die trying to be someone else? Or do you want to die knowing you lived YOUR LIFE the way YOU intended?

 I will leave you with this question.

When did we as a race, lose our ability to love and see light in all things and in each other? 

The Countdown to Midnight

A New Year. Smells like second chances. Take one on yourself.

2013 has come and gone so incredibly fast, it was almost too hard let go.

I've been reflecting on this past year, on the person I want to become and just how to get there. On the successes, and failures. The love and the losses. The adventures made and moments savored. When I really think about it, it all comes down to love. What you put out, you receive right back..

This year I have finally understood this. I have learned after many life lessons, you are your words and thoughts. If you think, but do not do, you will achieve nothing. If you put in the action and just have a little faith, you'll succeed in every way.

Just like your outfit for the day, you choose your attitude. Blame is just a tool. And so is forgiveness. Once you walk out that door, know you have the power to make someone smile. Your life will be made up of small kind moments. Don't forget, there will always be Karma.

So remember, whatever you do, do it with love.

Serious business.

Since arriving home two weeks ago, I feel like we have already been here a year. Seriously, all sarcasm aside, it has been an ... adjustment. Reverse culture shock if you will. This city and the people we have surrounding us, will always feel like home. However, we both feel like our heart is out there, in the big world. It is so big, and we are so small, and all we want to do together is explore it. Adventure addicts if you must.

Since being home, I have been fighting the old Christina. The version of myself that is always looking for encouragement, advice and honestly, just approval for any major decision I make. Right now, it is finding a job. I want so badly, to be "raking in the dough", so of course I think of data entry or reception to some big company, probably that oil company everyone keeps suggesting. The fact that I lean on everyone around me for guidance, instead of making a decision for myself is not okay. I know me best. I know what I want and need, so why do I look to others to help in any decision making? If I'm really honest with myself, it is because I am so focused on pleasing everyone else. And when I don't fulfill that, I am so hard on myself. But why? My true happiness will never come from anyone else, including Ben. It will always be within me. Only I have that power, so why do I choose to look for it in others? These are all question's that I am finding the answers for, within me. Therefore, I already know I can't sit at a desk all day, five days a week. I deplete energy sitting at a desk. Sounds strange, but it's exhausting because I have no outlets. I am creative, fun and loving. Those are not qualities needed at a desk . I have come to the grand conclusion that I will not be "raking in the dough" because my sanity is far more important to me. Joy is what I want, and joy is what I am truly searching for in my heart. Writing brings me joy. And just like that "note to self", I wrote when I was 9 saying, "Publish book when older." Then dammit, publish a book I will! 

Wanderer - Summertime Sadness

I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world. 

- Mary Radmacher

To grow up is indeed a blessing. To journey through life with gratitude, a wandering soul, and an appetite for adventure has been truly eye opening. When you see so much of the world in a short amount of time, and you learn to live as a minimalist along the way, you learn to really seize each and every day. When you meet new and old family who take you under their wing, and spoil you with memories, and home cooked meals, you learn to appreciate the true essence of giving back. It has all been such a whirl wind; Honeymooning for four months with the love of my life!!! Learning that we really are each others best travel companions. Knowing that if either of us is grouchy it's all because we are hangry. (Hungry + Angry) We've listened to countless songs, written many pages in our travel journals, thousands of pictures and videos, confided in each other till the early morning, went baby crazy.. Then not so baby crazy, brainstormed ideas for the next ultimate trip of a lifetime, found a new love for wines, and food! I have lived a lifetime in these last four months. And we still have two weeks left until we are at the home base. So crazy! Too much time can be wasted obsessing over the past, what people think, the future. And I ask myself why?? If I die tomorrow, I am so content with my life and how I have lived it. I have grown up emensely on this journey! I know it is just the beginning of many wonderful years to come from this wandering heart! I yearn for the next world wonder my eyes will lay upon, the next beach to lay on, the next dish my lips will taste. 

I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world! 

self-image

Holy Hannah! 

Just had an amazing weekend in Portland, Oregon. Drove for a total of 30 hours there and back. 

Now I'm sitting here thinking back on the weekend. A weekend that was more than influential, it was inspiring. 

I have had so much to think about. These last three weeks have been so heavy, because I made them that way. I put my self in a dark place without realizing how much it was affecting him. It was a very selfish place to be and a very lonely place to be. 

After three days, my attitude has changed. I have come to know that attitude is a choice. You must take responsibilty for it. No other person or circumstance is at fault for YOUR attitude. You are. 

I'm done with all of that. It will take a long time to filter and really focus on changing my mentality, but if I do not try, I will always be my very worst critic. 

For what felt to be seemingly endless negativity from my thoughts has slowly transferred over into  Positive thoughts. Which is so important. We get stuck in our minds and convince ourselves that we can't do it, we aren't worthy of it, we shouldn't be blessed with it. 

THAT IS A LIE.

Listen to your heart, and remind yourself every day that you are worthy. 

I felt for so long that I was not worthy of Ben's heart & love because of how kind, endearing, and thoughtful he is.

That is not true. I deserve it so much, and he deserves all of my great qualities. He doesn't deserve it when I hold myself back. And I should not hold myself back. 

It is time to release my potential and prove the nay-sayers wrong.

Hello life. 

It is time I start trying.

Faith

Belief in oneself, is the most important value any person can have.
Know that once you speak something into existence you CAN go after it.
You are capable of great, great things; you just have to believe in yourself.

PROOF

I will be such a great example.

I am a fantastic leader.

I am EXCITED and PASSIONATE about my future.

Ask yourself, How do you want to live?
Really think about it.



Thats what we should be asking our children.

FOCUS ON ME

Just watch me live my life, and succeed!

Glitter

meet new people

practice Yoga more often

get another Tattoo

Get rid of clutter!

Take up Rock Climbing

hike more often. 

do something out of character. 

Try to be a little more ambitious

step outside my comfort zone

think more with my heart and less with my head. 

stand out. 

Gold

These were my 'resolutions' and goals from Jan 1 of this year.. 

1. be the best possible version of myself.
2. dedicate and motivate! 
3. believe
4. minimize doubts.
5. get tattoo's. 
6. hike more often. 
7. drink more tea and read more books. 
8. explore the unexplorable. 
9. do something out of character. 
10. get liscense and buy a car. 
11. take up yoga. 
12. sleep longer. 
13. love more. 
14. appreciate more.
15. give more, take less. 
16. think more with my heart and less with my head. 
17. get a bold hair cut. 
18. stand out. 

12/18 is pretty great! I will be taking some of the leftover resolutions and adding a lot more to a new list for the year 2012. Nothing like a little goal setting to push you into motivation mode. =) 

regret nothing, live happily.

I'd rather put it all on the line then keep thinking, 'What if?' 

love deeply, laugh richly, live pleasantly.

Have you ever taken the time?

Have you ever just sat outside, no interruptions and let the sounds around you consume you? All the while the sun and the cool breeze nip at your cheeks and you can't help but smile. Have you ever come across a tune that always puts a smile on your face? That one song that you yell and scream and dance to? (I know you have thought of a song). Let that feeling swallow you whole. These are some of my experiences of contentment and happiness. When everything just goes right. You have no excuses, no issues, no sadness. Just yourself and your thoughts. (I choose to think positive). LOVE IS EVERYWHERE! Why not hold onto that for as long as possible? Get up and do something! Call someone and tell them you love them. Text a smiley face! Read! Go for a walk! Exercise! What ever it is, just do it! Live in the moment. Live in the now. If you like someone, tell them. Don't waste time. If you want to travel, do it now! Why now you may ask. Why NOT now? Who's to tell you, you can't? They aren't you. You know whats best for you. (I would hope). So DO IT! Go out and love, and do good deeds, and smile and laugh. This life is too short to be lived in misery, sadness and hate. There is too much of that. Be the change you want to see in the world! Think positive, be positive. Stress is a strain. Loosen those straps, breathe and relax. Soak it all in! Tell a stranger something lovely today! Volunteer! Meet new people, do new things! Spread the joy, and joy will be given back to you! Never think "I can't," because everything is possible! Why? Because.. 

LOVE IS EVERYWHERE!

 Sincerely,

Me! =)

inhale,sigh

Breathing

could you come a little closer? slide that way you slide, so shy, wanting mouth open, try to suck in enough air to pacify the limits of lungs so useless in the dark mantle of these deeds, haunting your fingertips as they trace the contours of my lips, speaking too deaf silence closer my love, there will be no more breathing: quiet these vain protests echoing past the dying candle; nononononono, i don’t want this any more than you want the icy prongs of betrayal along the spine, harrowing soil to bear the fruit of your transgressions, elevated in your judas gaze; oh, darling, this heat is consuming the oxygen in the room of four, volatile hatred turned to lust; oh, woe are we caught in the movements that drag our tongues together, choking each other to the rhythm of two hearts bleeding into a single pool of glimmering vice.

- Fu-zu Jen, 7.13.99

Do we feel it?

FFL

Food, Family, Laughter.


I am thankful for my parents, my brother, the roof over my head, my family, my bestfriends, my education, the people who got me here, my job, the country I live in, this beautiful autumn weather, my shoe closet, and so much more. 


Happy Thanksgiving to all! 
Its just simple gratitude, do it every day, not just once a year!

50/50

a fantastic insight into a young life, with every day troubles. Cancer just gets thrown at you. 

I have always loved, Joseph Gordon-Levitt! The dry humour, that smile =) haha. This was a role, so greatly portrayed! I don't think anyone else could have done a better job!

I don't want to spoil the movie for you, however, in sum a healthy 27 year old is diagnosed with cancer, ends an intense relationship, has fun with his best friend, makes amends with his mother and falls in love.

In short: i cried. 

"So? What's next?"

outrageous

I've come to love Monday's. It's like a fresh start!
Back to the routine tomorrow! Workout i've missed youuu. =)

The greatest achievement is selflessness.The greatest worth is self-mastery.The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.The greatest precept is continual awareness.The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.The greatest generosity is non-attachment.The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.The greatest patience is humility.The greatest effort is not concerned with results.The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.

Atisha (11th century Tibetan Buddhist master)