Serious business.

Since arriving home two weeks ago, I feel like we have already been here a year. Seriously, all sarcasm aside, it has been an ... adjustment. Reverse culture shock if you will. This city and the people we have surrounding us, will always feel like home. However, we both feel like our heart is out there, in the big world. It is so big, and we are so small, and all we want to do together is explore it. Adventure addicts if you must.

Since being home, I have been fighting the old Christina. The version of myself that is always looking for encouragement, advice and honestly, just approval for any major decision I make. Right now, it is finding a job. I want so badly, to be "raking in the dough", so of course I think of data entry or reception to some big company, probably that oil company everyone keeps suggesting. The fact that I lean on everyone around me for guidance, instead of making a decision for myself is not okay. I know me best. I know what I want and need, so why do I look to others to help in any decision making? If I'm really honest with myself, it is because I am so focused on pleasing everyone else. And when I don't fulfill that, I am so hard on myself. But why? My true happiness will never come from anyone else, including Ben. It will always be within me. Only I have that power, so why do I choose to look for it in others? These are all question's that I am finding the answers for, within me. Therefore, I already know I can't sit at a desk all day, five days a week. I deplete energy sitting at a desk. Sounds strange, but it's exhausting because I have no outlets. I am creative, fun and loving. Those are not qualities needed at a desk . I have come to the grand conclusion that I will not be "raking in the dough" because my sanity is far more important to me. Joy is what I want, and joy is what I am truly searching for in my heart. Writing brings me joy. And just like that "note to self", I wrote when I was 9 saying, "Publish book when older." Then dammit, publish a book I will! 

We have it so easy here..

I love Canada.
Appreciate what you have, where you live, and who is in your life.

Putin Wins Presidential Election in Russia (Mar. 4): Vladimir Putin wins the presidential election in Russia, claiming 64% of the vote. (Mar. 5): Observers from the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe challenge the election, saying Putin won because he had no competition and government spending at his disposal. The United States and the European Union call for an investigation into fraud allegations. Meanwhile, thousands of demonstrators in Moscow hit the streets, chanting, "Russia without Putin." A similar demonstration happens in St. Petersburg. When protestors refuse to leave, police arrest them. In Moscow, 250 people are arrested. In St. Petersburg, 300 demonstrators are detained.
Read more: March 2012 Current Events: World News — Infoplease.com http://www.infoplease.com/news/2012/current-events/world_mar.html#ixzz1obNE02XR

Joseph Kony

Ignorance is NOT bliss people!

We have it so easy.

SOCIAL MEDIA 

This is the year of change!

Kony 2012

Viva la International Justice!

Be the inspiration! The moral of the story is: Be aware! Research! Volunteer!

Look into this, social networking is a phenomena, however, the united states of America has its history of trying to "help" other countries in time's of "need".

Red Pill

come home. feel home.

Sometimes I lose a little faith about love. Real, deep love. Or I think maybe, it may have passed me. But then I realize, I have so much to love already.. Everything Happens For A Reason.

I'd rather give up, then give in to this.

Listen. Love it. 


Incubus - Promises, Promises. 
I've never done this before, promises, promises
But I'm enjoying the illusion and the things my body says
Now you see me, now you don't, oh how well you disappear
What are you running from and may I interfere? 


Seriously. Just be honest with me. That's all i ask of you.

50/50

a fantastic insight into a young life, with every day troubles. Cancer just gets thrown at you. 

I have always loved, Joseph Gordon-Levitt! The dry humour, that smile =) haha. This was a role, so greatly portrayed! I don't think anyone else could have done a better job!

I don't want to spoil the movie for you, however, in sum a healthy 27 year old is diagnosed with cancer, ends an intense relationship, has fun with his best friend, makes amends with his mother and falls in love.

In short: i cried. 

"So? What's next?"

soul

missing.

there's someone, for everyone. 

r.i.p

HOME!

Amazing 10 get away with great people! I will over indulge in blogging later. When I have caught up on sleep and cleaned my closet so my new clothes and things can be put away. hahah .


ps. i miss the Lethbridge crew already.

in the dark, towards the light.

This will probably be my last post for 10 days or so.

I start my sweet, sweet vacation tomorrow morning! Road tripping it down to the states with some great company, shopping, tanning, laughing. Just simply enjoying my life.
Then I will be going to lethbridge. I am NOT looking forward to when I have to leave. The sadness is over whelming. That is no longer my life - it will be the part of my life I only get to visit. My other half, my sister, my rock will be moving back.. This sucks...

MIGHT AS WELL MAKE IT THE BEST TRIP TO LETHBRIDGE YET!

mesh

Some friendships are just meant to dissolve. They're the people who pass through, and stop by. They can influence you in positive ways or negative ways and then you move on. Not just because you want to, but because it can just.. happen. One situation can make you re-evaluate the path your on, and you just realize, 'well this isn't going to work for me anymore.' I am ready to move on. If something so little can come between you and someone you thought to be a good friend, move on. Find new friends. appreciate more good things in your life. Yes, its sad and unfortunate; but these things happen. Take it with a grain of salt, grow from it and leave things on good terms.

Himalayas

Sometimes we become attached to what's familiar, and sometimes we hold onto things that are safe and predictable, even if they are bad for us. 

- Greg Behrendt



It's time to leave that all behind. Branching out, becoming someone new. Finding new things to love, to practice, to believe in. Growth.


Think of it as 'leveling up.' *enter super mario theme song.

lie

youth is just another label. 

you're as young as you feel.

today, I'm 8.

in the tide

I don't need someone in my life to make me happy. People I've left in my past, are meant to be in my past. I have taken the good with the bad, and I've moved on. Thinking about it now. Yes, I miss him. But, I miss him because he was such a big part of my life. A great impact on who I am as a person. I thank you so much for that. All this talk these last couple days about certain friends getting back together with their exes. Makes me sad, but not everyone thinks like I do. And i've learned not to impose my opinions on everyone else. Let them live their lives and focus more on my life. My life is great. The future man to enter my life, will be the one I put all the effort into. He'll be that person that is really worth the fight.

Breathe.

Cons of living back at home:

Credit is never given, where credit is due. And by credit I mean praise. Not once since I've been home have the words "We're proud of you," come out of anyones mouth.
I'm still treated as though I'm not responsible enough for my self, my safety, my time.
I'm sick of fighting for a place in this house. Sick of fighting with you two because I actually have a life, and I can go out, and if I drink too much well, I'll have to suffer the consequences on my own. You can't control that. You'll never be able to control everything in my life. So stop trying to. Give me credit, where credit is due. Let me live my life. And be happy, that I'm happy.

Why is that too much to ask for?

family

most important people in my life.
There are plenty of reasons I do not want you or any other man meeting them. Even extended family. The reason being is because they only assume one thing. That we are together. And we're not together. I am not together with anyone. Nor do I have the desire to be together with anyone. Even when I do get together with someone, they will not meet my family for a very long time; until I am certain of that together-ness. so please stop asking to come around or hangout when they are home. I'm running out of excuses as to why I can't hangout then .

just let it be.

OTH Season 3, episode 16

Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty. This hatred. How did it find us? Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us? That we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war. Hoping for their safe return; but knowing that some would be lost along the way.. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows; swallowed whole by the darkness.  Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?

i know you're at rest in the stars above.

nightmares

why these exist i will never understand. my day is ruined just by waking up. its such an atrocity.

it seriously isn't fair. i really would like this sick feeling to go away. =(