dually noted

I have just come to the realization that my confidence as a single, independent, and strong young women is at 100% fully capacity. 10/10. "Verr' nice, how much." It is great; fabulous actually. However, when I become involved with someone, I realize my confidence diminishes almost entirely, instantly. I never understood why this 'reaction' to being in a relationship occurs. Part of the reason why a boy falls in love with me, is due to this confidence that I have.When the relationship begins, I begin to lose myself within my insecurities. They creep up and swallow me whole. This realization is frightening, yet, ..satisfying? Just knowing that this occurs and realizing that I do this in some fucked up way or another is just the first step. Maybe is because I have had a lot of bad relationships. Bad is an understatement. Thats besides the point, no matter which way you slice it, I did that to myself. I would let my insecurities take hold of me. Now I know what not  to do when I become involved with someone else. Who ever that someone else may be. However, "the one" that everyone so proudly talks about, will not make me feel insecure. Not in the slightest. "The one" will be worth all the effort, independence and strength. Until then, this 10/10 confidence metre will be full, and hopefully will continue to be full when i meet the person who's worth it all.