Epic Fail

sometimes, i like to think i put in tremendous effort. that i'm so intellectual and that i can accomplish anything. well, i can accomplish anything i set my mind to. anyone can. but that effort that i put in, the hard work i like to think i do . i don't. i cheat myself into thinking i'm this intellect , this terrific person. when in all actuality i'm not. maybe if i actually stopped saying it in my head, and maybe if i stopped perceiving myself to be this person, i'd succeed. like, that person comes out , once i actually do try, once the effort is actually made . an intellect. i have to try. simple. note to self, tryyyy. you can do it if you actually apply. stop lying to yourself. 
all the stress you put on yourself is ridiculous. i put all this pressure for no reason, because i never end up following through. and once i receive the results i'm disappointed? how can i be disappointed? i did nothing. 
i'm so tried, of being sick and tired of complaining and never following through . it gets me no where. it makes me feel defeated and useless and lazy.
which i am. i need to step it up in all aspects of my life. stop complaining, pick up your god damn socks and get on with it . you can do everything you desire, you can reach all those goals you set for yourself i you apply yourself.
it can be done.
it will be done.