under pressure.

i've now just realized that, i've blamed the heavy expectations i feel on everyone else except my self. i mean when your young, your parents instil this idea in your head . " do good!" "what did you get?" "thats okay, you'll do better next time." so, logically you feel like, you need to do better because what they have said makes you feel like you've let them down. like what you got wasn't nearly as good as what you can get . that your potential can far exceed the outcome. but basically, its just facilitated communication. they are subconsciously giving you this remarks, because they subconsciously want you to succeed in every element of your life. whether it be academic or social or what have you.
however, i've come to the conclusion that, i have now put these stipulations on myself. i have it so deep in my head that even though i did try my best, i CAN do better. there is never a satisfaction with me. its just that one more push. this of course, can have its advantages and disadvantages. it is definitely apart of my character which is a plus.. i think. but it can also tear me down. horribly.


this will probably be the death of me.
mentally and/or emotionally.
if not those two, then physically. actually, most definitely physically.
because to me, i perceive myself as 'big', 'unhealthy', and 'unattractive'. these demons eating away at me internally. and right now, i'm taking it to a whole other extreme. .. as long as it pays off right?